August 16, 2010

24 hours in a Day is never enough!

Have you ever had a day pass by where you wish you can instantly freeze time and finish everything that you set out to do? That's exactly how I feel today.With only less than 2hours away to Tuesday the 17th Aug, I'm extremely exhausted, still have heaps left to complete, not to mention another 5-6 hours worth of paper work. Well, you may say, stop blogging and get back to your paper work...True...but I am in a state where I need to vent out my frustration and this seems a good avenue to do it.

The day started pretty well. Waking up at 7am with sun streaming into my room, it looked like its going to be a great day. In fact, it was not half bad, everything went smoothly according to my teaching schedules, meeting with students, emailing important documents until when I saw the clock and it showed 4pm! I was like, WHAT? 4pm? Where did most of the day disappeared to? Suddenly I had a panic attack, to my left was my thesis to proof read for a meeting with my Supervisor ( which I managed to push to Wednesday!) and to my right was a bundle of student scripts waiting to be marked!!!!! OMG!...I wish I had a clone.

As much as I love being in the academia world but I loathe marking papers. It just takes a chunk of my time and hate it when students give me half attempted papers, especially those who had done it last minute. It just doesn't make any sense at all. That's what I hate. Its like my head is rallying to fail them but being a compassionate person I am, I'm giving them extensive feedback so that they can improve. Writing those feedback takes time, heaps of time as you need to phrase the negative aspects as positively as possible so that students will take them as a constructive feedback rather then a "shoot me  down " feed back....get what I mean? That's the art of being a good teacher. You need to motivate them and also be honest without hurting their feelings. That's where most of my time goes. Although I have been told by my peers not to delve too much on these feedback, I just feel that it really works. Students see me as a advisor, a friend and a educational guide. I cannot just throw in feedbacks that lacks any sort of direction. These are 1st year undergraduates, they are as lost as the scripts that they have submitted. They need some form of guidance. I cannot be advising them on a one-on-one basis, that will take just too much time. A well thought and written feedback that will guide them and give them some sense of focus is better then having them repeat the same mistakes in the next assignment!!!!! which undoubtedly will add on the same problems that I am facing now.

Well that being said, being a research student myself and working is really a difficult balancing act. I just wish to finish my PhD and graduate but some how problems surrounding my research area is slowing down the mush as I want my students to thrive, I want to do good on my thesis as yes, time is a challenge for me. As much as myself and quite a a lot out there who wish to have more then 24 hours each day, all I can say is "May the Force be with you"....

As for me back to my 5 hours of paperwork, coffee and sleepless night ahead ....

Signing of

August 15, 2010

Friendships sucks sometimes....

"No one is rich enough to be without friends. Make new friends but keep the old. New are silver, old are gold." ~ Unknown

I have a huge doubt on the saying above...I had been thinking of my friends the past few days. Ever since moving to Sydney, I had made quite a few friends who made me feel safe.But lately I have been asking heaps of questions about what is Friendship. Is it for one's gain? Is it to have someone when you only need them? Is it something that you develop on and be there for each other.... Although I wish it was the latter...its not been like that, sadly :-(

And this lead me to think:
Do I always have to initiate a get together?
Do I always have to be the 1st to say Hi on Facebook/email them and update them of what's been happening and ask them about their life?
Do I always have to be the 1st to go and visit them at their home or call them out for a casual coffee chats?

Its seems like I have been taking the initiatives, even when I am bogged by heaps of work and research. Why me? I am sick and tired of this. Seriously!!!! I know this is a small matter but to me, I feel that all have an equal contribution whether in a relationship or in friendship or in family.

As the saying goes "old are gold"...well I know who are "gold" and who needs to be tossed out as their gold lining has faded. I'm not musing that all the friends that I have near and far needs to always keep in constant contact. I mean, I know everyone are busy with their work/social/self commitments. But all I am asking is if I initiate a chat/email/Facebook message, please take time to reply and say Hi at least...makes me feel that I am indeed a "welcome" than a "unwanted" .

Than, there are those who only seek me when they have problems. I mean, I love to be of any form of help or just be a listening ear, but, please, when I call and email you just to chat for fun or catch up and you scuff me off and you want me to make time for you! Forget it! I have enough of this "taking me for granted" stuff. I am human too and I have feelings. So don't hurt my feelings and expect me to run over to you every time you have a problem. That is not friendship , its making use of someone who always been nice enough to say "NO"....

And to those out there who think that they have the best opinion about everything including the friends I have, well, you don't. You can never judge a person from their looks, you have to get to know them and believe me , you yourself is of no good in many ways try and be fair to all or just don't say anything!

But on a brighter note, I still treasure my friends back home, a few but truly gems of matter what, regardless of the distance we always stayed together through all our problems and tough times including happy moments as well. They are my true friends. No matter how busy they are with work/social/family/kids & self...they always drop me an email, sometime with just a single sentence..."How are you?' and that alone fills my heart with joy even when I am at the lowest of point in the day/week/month or it just adds on to my I am thankful to you you all heaps...

Signing off,